Family as My Twin Flame

Merry Meet and Welcome to you magickal souls!!!!

Earlier this year, I was seeing a counsellor to deal with some issues I have around what happened in my childhood that is still affecting me in my adult life. During one of my sessions, I was talking about Family, what it means to me and how I feel towards blood relatives.

Honestly, Family is less about the people I am related to and more about the people who ave supported me, believed me and didn't put me down in any way. I know that Family is important but I also know that just because a person is related to me, it doesn't mean that I have to put up with disrespect or any kind of abuse.

The phrase "Blood is thicker than water" is usually bandied about when people have family issues but I personally don't believe in this shortened English proverb. This means that familial bonds are stronger and therefore more important than any other relationship. It is an excuse for disrespect and any kind of abuse, said by people to make things as easy as possible for everyone but the one who is actually the victim.

The full proverb is actually: "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." This I do believe in because the "water of the womb" is all about blood relatives while the "covenant" is more about those I choose to have in my life, like my friends because they are the ones who have been there for me, supporting me, believing me and helping to build me up. This phrase means that the relationships I choose are stronger than the ones I inherit, and this has been exactly my experience.

So, I was inspired to do this post because of my familial experience and relationships. Similarly to "Food as My Twin Flame", I have amended the questions asked by That Witch Karena at The Witch's Inn in the original workshop she ran during one of the many virtual conferences I have attended in the last few years and a more in-depth workshop Karena ran outside of these conferences.

As I have done previously, I have used the "A Curious Deck of Alice Playing Cards" which was inspired by the Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass books by Lewis Carroll, and which were illustrated by Sir John Tenniel.

What would a better relationship with Family do for me?

9 of Spades

Within this card, Alice has lost her way across the chess board and is being spoken to by the Red Queen, whois telling Alice how to look and how to behave more than where Alice needs to go from where she is shown to be.

I feel like this card is showing that I could be either character within this image.

I could be Alice, who has perhaps turned away from family who could guide and teach me through life. However, as Alice is the one doing the listening, I feel like she shows how I had to be as a child, the one who had to follow: "children should be seen and not heard", a phrase that I heard a lot and had to keep to.

Do I have the energy budget to hold the love from Family?

10 of Hearts

This card shows Alice from the very end of Through the Looking-Glass, when she wakes up from her dream to her three cats around her. The final words from the book are usually associated with this illustration: "Which do you think it was?"

I feel like this card shows that I do have the budget to hold love from Family but I don't have the budget for every relative who might want to come out of the woodwork.

However, I now fiercely guard this budget, just like how Alice is clutching a kitten closely to her. She chose this particular kitten but in this card, she might be contemplating whether they are the right one or not - and I felt like I was the kitten for most of my life.

Do I chase the idea of Family or do I attract it?

5 of Spades

This is really interesting because even without this card, I don't chase the idea of Family but I hope that I have worked to attract it.

Shown within this card is the son of Old Father William, who questions how his father manages to be so active and agile. This is what I most want to do: question family as to why certain things happened, especially why I was treated a particular way.

I'm definitely curious about Family because I know it isn't a once-size-fits-all concept and it doesn't look the same to any of us. Those whom I now call Family aren't necessarily who others would think of.

Where did I learn this pattern from?

5 of Hearts

With this card, I get the feeling that I learned this as a reaction to the situations I faced when I was younger.

Depicted within this card is the White Rabbit who is trying to creep past Alice's huge hand.

I will always try to avoid being used or treated in a similar way to my childhood. I won't be trod all over, unheard and unseen, like Alice was the more powerful being in this particular instance while the White Rabbit is unable to control the situation.

I also cannot control how or what my Family view me as, so I do my best to leave them be and live my life to the bestof my ability, as the White Rabbit does even after Alice trashes his house.

If Family was a sound, what would it be?

After careful thought, Family would sound like a mournful tune played by a group of violins right now. This is because I grieve for what Family could have been to me, the role Family could have played in my life. But at the same time, there is an element of another violin that is doing its own thing and trying to inject some happiness and joy into it. I feel like this sound would describe what I thought Family was, particularly regarding the idea of blood relatives.

What would I want it to be?

I'd rather not hear something mournful, as I'm sure most people would agree, and when I think about what Family means to me now, I hear a joyful birdsong, similar to what is heard around dawn when the birds are greeting the new day. Complete with the different varieties of birdsong, all of them coming together like the most natural symphony. This is what I feel my current Family sounds like.

Can I raise my vibration to match it and increase my energy budget?

9 of Clubs

Within this card, Alice is shown curled up on an armchair in such a way as to be almost closed off from the rest of the room or even the world. She does have a kitten on her lap that is playing with the yarn she holds.

This image seems to fit with how I feel about Family, which is that I am open to it but I need to be respected if I need space or time away from them. I need to be seen and heard but if I'm not, then I will seek that out from other people.

I'm comfortable with the Family I have but I'm not against adding other people to it. I'm not against opening my heart up to more people who treat me with respect.

If Family was a smell, what would it be?

This was sort of easy for me to visualise: a bouquet of different flowers whose scents all compliment the others, even though they may be individual and iconic on their own. Each person is different to the next but we can work alongside others. This is why I went with flowers.

Where have I experienced this?

6 of Diamonds

This card seems to be showing the first time I experienced Family: when I was unheard, unseen, and locked up all but physically from the world.

This card shows the Mad Hatter while he is imprisoned by the King of Hearts. He sits dejectedly on a stool with a chain around his ankle that stops him from going far, let alone escaping.

He is unseen, deep in prison for something hadn't yet done but was still being punished for. He is unheard, with no one willing to listen to his tale. He is locked away from everything that could make life pleasant and enjoyable.

This is how I felt until my closest friend appeared in my life and finally brought the scent of Family to my awareness.

When I hear “Family”, is my reaction nervous or calm?

I think that I am indifferent to the blood relative aspect of Family so I think that would class as calm but excited when I think about the Family I chose for myself. There is a quote of something that Edna Buchanan said which I love and fully agree with, and it is: "Friends are the family we choose forourselves".

What embodiment practice could help source and sustain “Family” in my body, clearing old energy and expanding my energy budget?

This is less of an embodiment practice and more a spell/ritual I could do. Something about releasing the idea of Family, what I desired it to be, and what I experienced as Family - it feels right to do as opposed to feeling through my body in some way. I have a complicated relationship with Food because of Family, and I don't want to undo the work I've put in to improve it.

How does Family care for me?

2 of Clubs

Within this card is depicted Tweedledum and Tweedledee together.

If this questions was "How did Family care for me?", my answer would have been by standing together while judging me through sideways glances. But it's about Family now, so the answer is different.

Family cares for me by standing with me, in solidarity, to support me (physically or emotionally).

Family cares for me by looking out for what I like, avoiding what I don't, and paying attention to all of those details.

Family cares by not judging me, by listening to and hearing me, by seeing me for who I am not what I'm expected to be, and by giving me the space to just be me.

How do I care for Family?

2 of Spades

Well, this is a complex question and a thoughtful-frown-inducing card.

This card shows Father William standing on his head, his view obstructed by the layers of his clothes falling down towards his head.

What I would answer is that I care for those who care for me but once I no longer care, for whatever reason, I am done and I do my own thing.

From this card, I get that I care for Family by being true to myself, regardless of what that means because no one really cares what being true to myself actually means.

While standing on "my" head, I can see details about what my Family care about so that I can pay attention to them too.

How can I care for Family better?

10 of Diamonds, Queen of Clubs, 4 of Diamonds

This is interesting but I hope it will be constructive feedback within these cards.

First, the Mad Hatter presents himself as he is in the process of giving evidence, and I feel like he's telling me to work on my communication. I don't always know the best thing to say, whether by text, through a phonecall or face-to-face, so I can admit that this is something I need to work on. Perhaps something else that the Mad Hatter is telling me is that I can care for Family better by working on making time and space for my Family, by catering to them, even.

Shown as the Queen of Spades, the woman depicted within this artwork isn't actually a Queen because it is the Duchess with the baby that turns into a pig.

With this card, I feel like the message is that I can care for Family better by giving them the time and space they need in order to get whatever they are concerned about off their chest, rather like the baby who looks to be crying noisily. And perhaps I need to pay attention to them so that I can do this as often as they do it for me - maybe more times than I currently do.

Within the 4 of Diamonds, there is a Leg of Mutton who is bowing to Alice while being introduced by the Red Queen.

In this card, there is a message of respect, giving and receiving it in equal measure without the pomp and circumstance that some people might prefer to experience. Maybe this is saying that I need to respect that my Family has their own lives to live that they need space and time for.

Perhaps I need to do more of something else too, as I like to show my Family quietly that I care about them, in "little" or subtle ways like getting them things that are of interest to them, Or even doing things for their Families that I think they would like.

I will admit that it did take me a couple of weeks to write up all of these cards as this was a sore topic for me and I needed time to get used to the idea of doing this. But once I got into it, it became easier to admit to certain things, how I can move on, what I can do better and inspiring the future of what could be possible.

This has been a rather therapeutic endeavour, more so than I was expecting, and definitely something that I would encourage you to do, if you feel that doing so would help you heal or even just to understand yourself on a deeper level.

I hope this has been inspiring to you.

Peace and love to all!!!!