Be A Goddess: Lesson Nine

Merry Meet and Welcome to you magickal souls!!!!

It is time for my Ninth Lesson within Francesca De Grandis' book titled "Be A Goddess", and it has a theme of "Pride and Sex are Holy". This is a topic that I was a little more wary of diving into but now that I have, I'm glad that I did so.

Pride is all about balance because it's about being accountable for and acknowledging my human faults without ignoring the good traits, and vice versa. To see only one or the other is false as that is to deny myself of the other.

From a young age, most of us are taught that to be prideful is a sin or something to be kept hidden or even ignored. But that isn't the case. If I stitch a beautiful project, and I have done so quite a number of times, I can be proud of what my own hands have achieved and show these projects to others if and when it is appropriate to do so. Even though most of the time, I wasn't the one behind the designs, I can still be proud to be the one to have created what I did.

The main issue is when false pride comes in. False pride is when we deceive ourselves into thinking that we are more important than we are or that our abilities are greater than anyone else's. This is the kind of pride that can bring huge issues.

But then some questions were presented to me that really made me sit and think about things. So here are the questions and my own personal answers:

What do you think of when you hear the word "pride"?

Initially, I thought of someone being unbothered by the opinions of others, as it made me think of the Strength tarot card and a pride of lions who do whatever they need to and want to do whenever they want to do it. Lions genuinely don't care about anyone else. "Pride" also makes me think of having the strength to follow my own heart and my own desires. It's not the overt and obvious kind of strength but the quiet kind that comes from within and is unseen by so many.

Are there ways it is hard for you to have pride as a woman?

Yes, because so often, I'm told to hold back, to not be authentically me, that I need to bow down to the wishes of others. I have to hide some achievements to avoid jealousy or envy, or just so that I don't hurt the feelings of others, male or female.

Name just one way in which you feel disenfranchised?

I have chronic migraines that I suffer with daily and can incapacitate me at any moment, and even with medication, I always have them. I can't escape them but I still look like a healthy young woman so I'm expected to be able to do certain things or live my life a particular way. I dn't feel able to be happy with how I do actually live my life or even how I manage things.

What do you take pride in?

I do take pride in having learned how to survive, how to overcome lessons I perhaps should have learned as a teenager. I take pride in being able to do so much independently, and deciding for myself when to do something or how to deal with a particular situation. I am proud to have regained my autonomy, regardless of which area of my life it is relating to at any point.

Do I fear that pride goes before a fall? If so, were you punished as a child for taking pride in myself?

Short answer: No, I don't fear that pride goes before a fall and I wasn't really punished as a child for being proud of myself.

Long answer: I wasn't really given the chance or option to be proud of myself as a child. The adults I lived with could show pride but I was usually treated as unworthy or undeserving for a variety of reasons. I also had little to no autonomy so I was rarely able to make decisions for myself that could influence my future based on achievements I was proud of. A prime example, I wrote a short story that ended up being published in a collection and because I loved writing (and still do), I wanted to pursue a career associated with creative writing, and literature but I was strongly advised that there wasn't much to be earned from that. I had to keep it secret what I wanted to study at university until the last possible moment. So even though the adults I lived with acted like they were proud of me for being published, it felt fake and artificial so I hid my pride and inspiration.

Are you punished, put down, or made fun of when you take pride in something?

My original answer was: No, but those who aren't fully supportive will usually try to warn me against trying to do too much too quickly. However, I don't share too much and nor do I associate very often with anyone who might try to judge me, my life and my personal situation.

But after considering events that happened after this Lesson, I realised that I am punished, put down and made fun of when I take pride in a lot of things. I am proud to be on a weightloss journey as I have rediscovered a better relationship with food, learned how to make all sorts of different dishes (most of which I absolutely love and am constantly wanting to make again), and I have actually lost weight (1 stone and 9 pounds to be exact) but thanks to a nasty neighbour, I can't share it with other supportive neighbours since I no longer feel comfortable spending time with them when they are usually with the nasty neighbour.

What unhealthy beliefs do you hold about Pride?

Perhaps the main belief I have is that I shouldn't be too loud with my pride about an achievement so that others have space to be proud and share their own achievements with the world instead. Another belief that I hadn't thought of as unhealthy is that I also don't need my achievements to be shared with the world because they should be private. These are things that I want to work on.

After this section on pride, the focus shifted to sex and sexuality. I hadn't even considered exploring my own sexuality until this year and even then, it's not something that I have shared openly with the world. It's also not something that I really knew about apart from snippets here and there. Perhaps because of my sexuality, I have a different view of sex and what it means but being sexual is different again.

So, just like with the first part about Pride, there were a series of questions about Sex and here are my honest answers:

What negative things or untruths were you told about sex when you were growing up?

Honestly, it was never discussed at home so nothing was ever explored. The idea of being attracted to someone of the same sex wasn't discussed openly but it was seen as not ideal. So perhaps this is a negative thing in that I was only told about sex at school through the standard classes we get taught while anything else about passion and love was kept out of my knowledge and education.

Growing up, what negtive things or untruths were you told about men and sex?

Again, I wasn't told anything because sex was a taboo subject and never mentioned at all in my childhood home. To put a different perspective on this situation, maybe the negative is that I was kept so in the dark about sex and men, other than a couple of traumatic experiences as a young child and then a teenager. I was so naive and innocent about sex and men that it was easy for at least one man to take advantage of these aspects of my Self.

What in this society might keep a person from a happy sex life?

In my experience, it would be knowing yourself but also being able to safely explore who we are on an individual level. I've never really had a happy sex life as I always felt it was something to be done with someone you truly loved but I never really felt that way about any of my past partners, even though I liked each one of them.

On another level, keeping sex and sexuality as taboo subjects is what can keep someone from experiencing a happy sex life.

What inside yourself gets in the way of a happy sex life?

I think that what gets in the way of me having a happy sex life is see problems as locks on the door to experiencing the Divine. It's the idea or concept that I'm not accepted or celebrated by others for being me, that I have to perform a particular set of duries and responsibilities even if I'm not personally interested. I'm actually happy living the life of a single woman and would only enter into a relationship with someone if that relatinship added value to my life but the physical side of sex isn't something I'm interested in.

What would you like your sex life to be like?

Just as it is. I am content and happy with how it currently is, but I might wish for it to be more private as some neighbours think that my sex life is their business so they have a "right" to discuss it with others, make comments and assumptions about who I might have slept with or I'm currently sleeping with.

What one thing can you do to improve your sex life?

As an asexual person who isn't interested in the more traditional and physical side of relationships wen it comes to the act of sex, perhaps the main thing I can do is find pleasure in more activities in other areas of my life.

To some people, the act of sex is part of giving yourself entirely to another and showing your commitment to them and the relationship, so it's similar to the relationship between us and the Gods. Just like with a relationship, showing gratitude and thanks as well as leaving offerings to the Gods don't need to be complicated or flashy. They can be as simple as a prayer and a promise, or a simple action like burning a candle. This is the kind of relationship with a deity I am comfortable with, and even the kind of romantic relationship with another person.

Having gone through this Lesson, I'm definitely more comfortable with who I am, expressing how I am proud of my achievements, and everything else about sex (even if I feel like most of it doesn't apply to me and my life).

I hope this has inspired you to consider what pride and sex are to you. If you want to learn more about yourself, acquire your own copy of "Be A Goddess" and work through it.

Peace and love to all!!!!